打人話救人之先哭先贏之學生問題一籮筐

當老師最煩的不是教書或學生，是處理家長的問題。
有時候我覺得很納悶的是，你生/養你的小孩那麼久了，難道你都不知道你小孩的“真正”個性嗎？
美國家長很相信自己小孩講的話，這是很信任小孩，還是假民主真瞎眼？

班上有一個從中國領養的小女生，爸爸媽媽都很疼，可以看出他比其他小女生更嬌，喜歡出風頭，喜歡被稱讚，但上課超級不專心，只要被我叫一下，就會耍性子，瞪人翻白眼，然後一整個趴下來，他的反應一開始讓我很驚訝，我在這還沒遇過這種小孩。

第一次家長會的時候，他的爸媽都來，就說他很不喜歡來學校，因為班上有人會欺負他，還有他被老師叫之後都會被同學笑，到下課時都會取笑他。

對大部份“良善”的美國家長講話，大概就是客氣，認真稱讚小孩的優點，輕描淡寫缺點即可。但是一些“來勢洶洶”的真的要客氣中帶有專業，也不能一直擺低姿態，要不被吃死。我就說只要不專心的我都會叫，我有注意她被叫都會不高興，我們班的小朋友都是很乖的小孩，他們不會取笑被我叫的小孩。

他們就說，他在家裡如果他不聽的話，他們就會給他講“Don't ignore me.”所以叫我在學校也用一樣的句子告訴他。所以這小孩在家裡根本也是一個樣。但明明就是小孩的應該要改進的缺點，但是這小孩就厲害在他的伶牙俐齒，就是會添油加醋，把自己講成是受害者，博得大人的關注和同情。


後來有一天他媽寫來個信，說他每天很不喜歡來上學，因為老師會對他大小聲，班上有同學會欺負他，如果再有這種情形，明年他要給他轉出中文班。我看了實在很氣，這是在威脅我嗎？（套一段上次侄子來班上看我上課的心得： 如果說這次觀摩是一部電影，我會用步步驚笑，絕無冷場，不看可惜，十二個響噹噹的大字來形容。這場說唱俱佳的演出和管住５８個小瘋子六個半小時的任務，我想他沒有功勞也有苦勞，沒有苦勞也有心勞，沒有心勞，也有大量的疲勞吧! -->）你不上中文班是你家的事，還有你也太不了解你的小孩了吧。


From: Helen ＸＸＸ
Date: Monday, April 1, 2013 10:45 AM
To: Alice Lee
Subject: ＯＯＯ

Hello from the ＸＸＸ's I hope this message find you well. I just have a few concerns and I have been pondering on how to handle them. ＯＯＯ is struggling with a few things, getting her out of bed in the mornings to go to school is still a real struggle, she complains everyday that she doesn't want to go to school. I asked her why and she said that she gets yelled at from the teacher and that when she makes a mistake in front of the class she gets made fun of by the kids.  The hard part for me is knowing when to help her understand that yes life is hard at times and yes that kids can be mean, but on the other hand this is first grade and I think that kids should still be excited to go to school. I realize that kids do make fun of each other but that shouldn't be allowed to happen in the classroom. I think we talked about how ＯＯＯ shuts down if yelled at, it's really sad, I think ＯＯＯ is a pretty smart kid but she doesn't want to try because she is made to feel stupid and unimportant, she has asked me to not put her in Chinese next year. I of corse are just getting Hannali's side of the story I was hoping that you could help me with the other half.
Thank you for all you do.
HelenＸＸＸ



所以我給他的回信，雖然一把火在燒，但是也要委婉，堅定加專業：就先給他幾個班上小朋友的例子，一開學時有一個小朋友也是每天死不進教室，但是在校長，心理師陪伴進來教室坐半小時後就完全正常。還要講說我已經採取行動，給她換個好位置，他現在上課的情形進步很多。

然後我就要一針見寫講出原因： 他家裡的另外兩個領養的小妹妹（一個三歲，一個一歲），每天不能睡到自然醒，不能在家裡玩，當然不想去學校。要媽媽等他回家的時候再問他：喜不喜歡學校，應該會有不同的答案。

這位媽媽請你醒一醒：小孩不想去學校，難道小孩會說自己很懶不想上學嗎？當然都說是別人害他，讓他不喜歡去學校。還有ㄌㄧㄣ老師每天也不想去學校上班，想賴在家吃喝玩樂睡大覺，這是人性加耍性。




On Apr 1, 2013, at 4:18 PM, "Lee, Fengyin" wrote:

Hi Mrs ＸＸＸ,

We had several kids struggling to come to school at the beginning of school year. One even need the parents, psychologist and principal's company. She was totally fine after 30 mins  and totally engaged in class. BUT she still resist to come to school the next day.

I understand ＯＯＯ's situation when you told me in SEP conference. She is much better after that. She is more engaged and likes to help others and she did a great job.  I don't think I yelled at her. I rarely yelled at kids, even the most naughty kids. And fortunately we have very good and kind kids in our class. I always call kids' name as soon as they are not engaged. No kids laugh at kids in this part.

It's really hard for the eldest kid, such as ＯＯＯ to leave her little younger sisters then go to school alone. If I were her, I would like to stay at home playing with my sisters. After coming and staying at school, she is totally fine. Maybe you can ask her the same question after she goes back home from school. You probably can get the different answers from her.

I have moved her seat to the second line and she is doing much better than before. She really doesn't like to repeat after me all the time, but she likes to speak Chinese when are lining up, and do some activities. I am so surprised that she "digested" what I taught and became her own language. She is doing this super greater than the other kids.

Thank you for your mail. I think we just keep watching on her.

Have a great day.

Fengyin Lee


放學後再問小孩，果然得到的答案會不一樣。
那幾天這小孩下午來班上上課時就給他多稱讚，讓他出點風頭，給他幾張好棒卡，外加幾粒獎勵糖果，回家當然像飛上天一樣開心。


Thank you, I'll keep working on my end of things. She did come home yesterday with a big smile and told me she had a wonderful day, I truly am thankful for all you do I know that teaching can at times be hard especially with a large class. Let me know if there is anything I can do!
Helen Brandt

Sent from my iPad


結果最近又來給我一封，說他的小孩又被欺負，被人轉手，如果班上一兩個頑皮的小孩，或許小有可能（那幾個男生幾乎都玩在一起，不會和女生玩），其他女生都非常乖。等到他在來信跟我說是ＶＶＶ，我不用問也知道這根本又是“打人話救人之先哭先贏”之爛戲重演。因為ＶＶＶ是個超級溫柔的小小女生，他被欺負還有可能，還欺負別人勒～
結果我下課時就先把這兩個人叫來，問是怎樣情況，結果根本就是回家排隊時，他就先挑釁（就小孩好玩說的話）別人：我比你壯。然後就開始扭ＶＶＶ的手，當然ＶＶＶ也扭回去。
後來我問其他小孩有沒有人看見，幾個小孩還很努力用中文說：“ＯＯＯdid 十，VVV did 二。” 這就很清楚了阿，惡人先告狀。然後ＯＯＯ還在一邊給我哭說沒有，他都沒有扭人。
但是因為下午快要放學，也不能給他這樣哭著回去，所以就給大家曉以大義，兩個人握握手，抱一抱，給個糖果，大家開心。





Dear Mrs. Lee/Anderson,
I first of all wanted to take a minuet and thank you both for all the hard work that you have done for ＯＯＯ, it's been so fun to watch her learn and grow as the year has gone on.  I love hearing about the the things that she is learning and especially when she speaks in mandarin. I remember when we were in China with our agency workers and skyped with her, they were so impressed with her skills, and that was almost six months ago, thank you! They were touched that she would want to learn mandarin, and retain some of her heritage.
I don't know if ＯＯＯ has told you but we are moving at the end of the school year, we actually had money down on a house in Mapleton, but Dan as since gotten a new job up here in Riverton. With that said, we are still moving somewhere here in the South part of the Valley. I would love to keep her in Draper Elementary, but just in case that doesn't happen, would you mind writing a letter for her so that she can get into another immersion program here in the valley, probably on the west side... I'll have more information later.
On a side note, ＯＯＯ came home crying, I am a big believer of kids learning to work things out but thought I'd mention something so that you can keep an eye out for me.  Evidently Paige twisted her arm behind her back and left a nail print on her arm. I guess it happened right before school go out, it must have hurt enough because she couldn't carry her backpack but dragged it to the car. I know that they don't get along well and have asked ＯＯＯ to be kind but to just stay away until she can figure it out.
Thank you again for all you do!
Helen Brandt


Hi Mrs ＸＸＸ,

If you need a letter for ＯＯＯ, it's no problem. Please just let me know when you need it. She is very good in leaning Mandarin, and her accent is very beautiful.

As the bullying event, ＯＯＯ is in my afternoon class now. I will ask Paige tomorrow even ask the principal to deal with this and let you know what's happened. Because it happened several times on ＯＯＯ, I don't want her be afraid of attending to school because of bullying. Thank you so much for telling me this.

Fengyin Lee



Hi Mrs ＸＸＸ,

I hope ＯＯＯ has a happy mood when she goes home.

I ask her and ＶＶＶ today. It happened when kids were preparing to line up to home in the back of the class, and I was sharpening the pencil in the front of the class. ＶＶＶ said ＯＯＯ did twist her first. They all agree that ＯＯＯsaid "I am stronger than you."( They are comparing to each other who is stronger…) then she twisted ＶＶＶ's arm first then ＶＶＶ did that back to ＯＯＯ too. ＯＯＯ denied sometimes but she said she did but very lightly. I ask the other girls who saw this event. They( 3 girls ) all said ＯＯＯ did ＶＶＶ first, and she did more and badly than ＶＶＶ. They even said that in Chinese that "ＯＯＯ did 10, ＶＶＶ did 2."

Both ＯＯＯ and ＶＶＶ are good girls. ＶＶＶ is a very gentle and tiny girl. She is always kind to every kids, smiles all the time and speaks and moves softly. ＯＯＯ is a very smart kid. She likes to be focused and praised. She behaves even better if she got praised. Kids are kids. They are naïve to play each other. But sometimes they get excited and too hyper then hurt to each other accidentally and unconsciously. They are very little. They are learning from playing. I also give them a lesson.
You are very good kids. Everyone should be nice and respect to each other.
Don't touch people unless you got the permission.
Kids make mistakes sometimes. Learn what is right from mistake.
I am very lucky to have these great kids. They learn hard and play hard too. I will keep my eyes all the time on them after this. I believe it won't  happen again in class.
If you still have any questions, please tell me any time…Thank you very much.

Have a great weekend…

Fengyin Lee


ㄌㄧㄣ老師已經要款包袱回家了，不要再給我爛戲重演～～